Dad refuses to give his son $20K to pay off his credit card bills because his son makes $112K a year: 'He must be living beyond his means.'

Author image for Emmy Pratt
Emmy Pratt • Writer and Editor
Jan 29, 2026 11:00 AM EST

There's no reason he should need to borrow money from his dad when he makes that much.

Just because somebody makes a lot of money does not mean that they're not broke. You might be a high earner who is not yet wealthy, but that's not the kind of person I'm talking about. I'm talking about those earning $100K who spend their money as if they were earning $200K. They spend more than they make, racking up credit card debt like it's going out of style. It's incredibly common for employees who start earning a higher salary to develop bad spending habits. They buy houses and cars they can't afford, with insane monthly payments that drain their take-home pay. They don't save any of the extra money they make, and they assume it will keep rolling in indefinitely, so they can be as financially irresponsible as possible. 

It's hard to feel sympathetic towards people with high incomes who can't get their personal finances in order. If you can survive and thrive in a high-cost-of-living area on a salary some people would consider unlivable, you're unlikely to shed tears for a banker who has to stop eating out at the most expensive restaurants to pay off his credit card debt. The truth is, your exact salary matters a lot less than what you do with it. If you're making $60K a year, but you're able to save 25% of your take-home pay, you're in a much better financial situation than somebody who makes twice your salary but spends every cent. Your net worth is probably higher, and you have the discipline to restrain yourself, which will probably make you a good enough employee to be able to make more in the future. It's kind of mind-boggling that someone can do work worth six figures and do it well, but can't manage their own money well enough to take care of themselves. 

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  • 01
    Man sitting at table reading papers with breakfast
    via Vitaly Gariev

    Image is representative only and does not depict the actual subjects of the story.

  • This dad has little to no sympathy for his high-earning son, who can't get his financial life under control. His son wants him to bail him out of credit card debt, but his dad doesn't have the money and doesn't want to.

  • 02
    My son calls me out of the blue (since he got married 5 years ago we haven't had the close bond we once did).
    via u/Ecstatic_Cash_1903
  • 03
    He told me he can't live on his 112k a year salary. He then asked me if I would help him (monetarily).
    via u/Ecstatic_Cash_1903
  • 04
    He traded his 240k house for a 350k house, has 2 new vehicles he leases, who knows what other expenses and asked me for 20k to pay his credit card debt.
    via u/Ecstatic_Cash_1903
  • 05
    A car parked in front of a house
    via Serena T

    Image is representative only and does not depict the actual subjects of the story.

  • 06
    I have no expenses beyond my rent (im never home so buying a house makes little sense) and my utilities.
    via u/Ecstatic_Cash_1903
  • 07
    I don't have 20k to give him and I feel like even if I did, I wouldn't.
    via u/Ecstatic_Cash_1903
  • 08
    He must be living beyond his means. And he went to a baseball sme on the company credit card and now worries he could lose his job as a new owner takes over.
    via u/Ecstatic_Cash_1903
  • 09
    A baseball stadium with a full crowd
    via Daniel

    Image is representative only and does not depict the actual subjects of the story.

  • 10
    AITA for referring him to a debt consolidation company and refusing to financially help my child?
    via u/Ecstatic_Cash_1903
  • 11
    1234-for-me NTA, time for him to own up to his spending issues. Using a company credit card for a basketball ball game ticket is beyond stupid. So now he's in a giant hole, possibly going to be unemployed.
    via u/1234-for-me
  • 12
    Ecstatic_Cash_1903 Original Poster's Reply Yes and as a father I worry for him but you are right.
    via u/Ecstatic_Cash_1903
  • 13
    Lovebeingadad54321 As they say on the airplane safety briefing, "put on your own mask before assisting others.". NTA 1. You CANNOT help 2. I don't know where your son lives, but even in a high COL area he is making poor financial choices, and would probably make poor decisions with whatever money you gave him. A professional credit counseling that you recommended is his best option.
    via u/Lovebeingadad54321
  • 14
    Ecstatic_Cash_1903 Original Poster's Reply Thank you so much
    via u/Ecstatic_Cash_1903
  • 15
    jatlantic7 NTA, sounds like he's maxed out his lifestyle. With a 7-8K/mo income he's spending maybe $3200/mo on mort, maybe $500- 800/mo per car, guestimate $1000 for discretionary/bills. He should still have a surplus of $2-3K extra. Sounds like he's found a way to blow that every month. Needs financial advice.
    via u/jatlantic7
  • 16
    Ecstatic_Cash_1903 Original Poster's Reply His mortgage is 3100 a month and I bet you're right about the car leases. I believe he's spending beyond his means.
    via u/Ecstatic_Cash_1903
  • 17
    1234-for-me It's only natural as a father/parent to worry. But my grandfather never said no to my aunt always giving her money, she wouldn't listen to anyone and just wouldn't pay bills. After my grandfather died, she and her husband bought a new trailer to put on the land that my grandfather left her, using the land as collateral. Yes, they lost the trailer and the land. She also stole my cousins college fund. About 10 years or so later after more financial mess, my aunt ended up homeless. Last
    via u/1234-for-me
  • 18
    Ecstatic_Cash_1903 Original Poster's Reply WOW thank you for that something to really think about!
    via u/Ecstatic_Cash_1903
  • 19
    classicicedtea NTA. He needs to stop keeping up with the Joneses.
    via u/classicicedtea
  • 20
    Ecstatic_Cash_1903 Original Poster's Reply Thank you!
    via u/Ecstatic_Cash_1903
  • 21
    Any-Research-8140 Do not give your son money. I know that is hard but you won't be helping him. He needs to learn how to better manage his finances. Find a financial advisor and offer to pay for the sessions (or maybe just the first one?). If you give him money, he will learn nothing and you will become an atm as he continues to spend beyond his means.
    via u/Any-Research-8140
  • 22
    Ecstatic_Cash_1903 Original Poster's Reply Thank you so much. I have lost sleep over this as I dearly love my son. But you are right!
    via u/Ecstatic_Cash_1903
  • 23
    Spare-Shirt24 NTA If he can't live within his means, he needs to increase his means. Side note: refer him to Credit Counseling. Debt consolidation companies are shady.
    via u/Spare-Shirt24
  • 24
    Ecstatic_Cash_1903 Original Poster's Reply Thank you for helpful suggestion
    via u/Ecstatic_Cash_1903
  • 25
    b0sanac He can't live on a 112k/year salary because he's living like he's got a 150k+/year salary. NTA
    via u/b0sanac
  • 26
    Ecstatic_Cash_1903 Original Poster's Reply Thank you
    via u/Ecstatic_Cash_1903
  • 27
    chiguy307 NTA. Tell him you can't provide him any cash but you would be happy to sit down with him and help him work on a budget that allows him to pay off the debt over time. I bet that's the last you will hear of it.
    via u/chiguy307
  • 28
    Ecstatic_Cash_1903 Original Poster's Reply I'm going to get a delivery out his way and stop in. I want to talk with him about exactly that. I dmt want him to end up unemployed and on the streets!
    via u/Ecstatic_Cash_1903
  • 29
    AdeptStudent77 NTA. He is spending carelessly and expecting you to bail him out. He is an adult and needs to learn the consequences of not living within his means. Lessons needs to be learned here, or he will continue the cycle.
    via u/AdeptStudent77
  • 30
    Ecstatic_Cash_1903 Original Poster's Reply I do worry that even if I got a loan to help him he would do this again. I love him with all that I am but I feel like I should not financially bail him out as you say. Thank you.
    via u/Ecstatic_Cash_1903

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salary credit card debt financial bills dad family expensive money son
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